The 10 Commandments for Southerners- A guest post

The 10 Commandments for Southerners- a guest post by Samuel Dye.

Howdy, just wanna let you know who I am.. Samuel Joel Dye is the name and mighty glad to meet you. Been an avid supporter and reader of this blog from VERY beginning, I highly recommend it! Anyways I was raised a pastors kid and been called to the mission field. I will be headin off to bible college in the next year or so. Hopefully they don't kick me out for my "venacular" interpreation of the 10 Commandments. Anyways ya'll be good and read yer bible every day (oh and don't forget to pray)..


The 10 Commandments:

1. Thar ain't sopost to be no gods afore Him.
2. Yall not supposed to make any idols.. nun wut-so-evar!
3. Usin tha Lord's name in vain 'round here.. tat'll get you strung up.
4. You'd better be thar fer Sunday meetin.
5. Honor yer Maw 'n' Paw.
6. No killing nobody (lest it be in self defence).
7. Ain't sopost be no foolin round with a gal that you ain't hitched to.
8. Takin what ain't yurs.. that'll get ya shot.
9. No tellin tall tales or short ones for that matter.
10. Don’t be hankerin for yer buddy's stuff.

Set yourself right down here on the porch...it's Kate!

Hey Ya'll!

Seeing that I'm not exactly famous,(and hopefully not infamous), in the bloggin' world, I thought it was high time to introduce myself!
I was born in the wonderful hills and hollars of Southern West Virginia, and let me assure you, it's the best place this side of the states! While I am now in exile in Ohio, we still visit grandparents and relations in WV and VA, so I am not abandoned. :D
I would looove to visit the west someday!

So...now you know that.

I am a farmgirl from the mountains, and you can usually find me in the barn milking, ( yes, I handmilk) or singing opera while washing dishes. It is the obvious mission of my family to generate as many dishes as possible.... :-)
The most important thing in my life is to serve my KING, and to honor him in everything I do!
Second to that, I write like a madwoman, work on the farm, cook whenever I'm told to, sing, (with a dream of singing professionally) play the harp, ( fairly well), the violin, ( pretty good), and the bugle, (rather badly). And hike. Whenever possible.


Really random stuff... I had my first marriage proposal when I was 11. He was 70, and like, married. Maybe I should have taken him up... :D
I can't stand the taste of milk. Yet I milk a cow. Go figure.
I am a LOTR fan girl!
I fall for Cowboys. Every. Single. Time. :D
I have a Scottish Claymore, and it's so cool, and it's my best friend. Other then my .22.
My goal is to be a Godly wife, mother, daughter, and teacher of my children! Is that not the best job a woman can have?

A few pictures should be inline, eh?




My Familia...minus Momma.



Don't ask. :D I guess this woud be me being...a gunslinger. :D




Messin' around with the cowboy hat...every girl needs one. ;)



A "formal" picture. :D

You can help us!!! :D

I had an idea for a post that we would like everyone to help us with. Now anyone who reads this must know something of the South. So we thought to make a "You know you're a Southerner when..." post, and we would like ya'll's help. You can post your ideas in a comment on this post. We will select 20- 50 of the funniest and truest ones to post here for ya'll. They won't be published, we'll just post the post with our selected ones. We will end the date for posting questions in two weeks, April 4th, unless we decide to extend it a week. Please keep them clean, funny, and acceptable.=)

We will include your first name and (if given) last initial, unless otherwise requested.

Okay, hold the applause and bear with me! It's Kaitland!!! ;)

So, uh, Kate and I talked it over, and we felt that it might be a good idea to introduce ourselves. I guess we figured ya'll would like it if we did that.

So I am Kaitland, and I do live in and love the South! I was born and raised here, and never plan to leave (lest it be to go West). I have loved all things Southern for a long time, the history and culture (if you can call it that) is amazing! There is nothing more fun that getting out the .22 and shooting at cardboard reindeer and Santa's sleigh near Christmas time, and having those backyard bbq's complete with go-cart riding and diet coke and mentos rockets during the summer time.

My family is awesome (I know ya'll will read this later, and yes, I really mean it! ;) )! I love them, I love God, I love reading, writing, music, and writing (I'm sorry, did I mention that before? Well... I love it lots!). I like humour, and I love to laugh at funny things, including jokes made about and by Southerners. I like to make my own humorous observations of the South, and I will hopefully share many of them with ya'll. I hope ya'll have a toe tappin', knee slappin' time as you read this blog!!! =D

~Kaitland

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Hey Ya'll!
I know way too many people just like this! :D

Borrowed from Nathaniel Brayden...this was WAY too good not to post! :-)

The answer can be found by answering the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Republican's Answer:
BANG!

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click "Shucks! I'm out!"
Daughter: "Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one Daddy?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to no Taxidermist!"

So You Think You're a Southerner?

We decided it would really be fun and informative for ya'll if we gave ya'll a way to test your know-how of the South. So Kate and I put together

So You Think You're a Southerner?

It's a doozy of a quiz, and only the true Southerners at heart will pass! When you're done, come back and tell us how ya did!

So You Think You're a Southerner?

~Kaitland

PS
And if you were wondering, some of the wrong answers actually came from Northern lips! We just had to add those. :D
~Catriona

PSS
For some reason we can't fix the answer to one of the questions. When you tell us your score, tell us your answer to the Cracker house questions, and we'll let you know if you got it right or wrong.

~Kaitland

Howdy!!!!

This blog is going to be more fun than a 'coon hunt in a full moon! Hopefully we'll have loads of posts to keep ya'll doubled in laughter, pondering in wonder, and scratching ya'lls heads in disbelief soon enough. For now, we got to get to writing!!!

We welcome all readers, and hope ya'll enjoy our humorous observations!

~Kaitland